Chub is happy today.
She brought ah ma for prawn mee breakfast.
She realises these small lil things count.

Sigu told chub ah ma remembered my promise to bring her today.
So did it.

Chub realises n strives to keep promises. Chub must rem when u treat pp w sincerity, people can feel it. No matter how small the act is. Really.

Today, chub's heart swelled considerably.
Tho she doesn't want it the literal way.

If i inspired it, it's a good deed done.

Now run!

Chub isnt very smart.
Or she's simply stubborn.

Anything takes 2 hands to clap. You know it. Chub knows it.

Dont, Chub. Dont.

It feels good to spend today at home. Though I still didn't reach my goal of waking up for doraemon this morning. It was a personal choice though. I did wake up at 925 but. Seeing that I have 5 more mins I decided to snooze. When I woke again at 945 I kinda decided since I missed half the show might as well try harder tm or next week. Hm. Personal choice, blame noone.

Speaking abt personal choices,I am caught in a dilemme. She says this and he says that. Then they confirmed this n that. Chub knows tho that ultimately, it's her own choice.

Like the mistake she made 8 yrs ago.
Tho she never knew it was one then.

I can just keep asking and talking abt it. But the decision still rests here. On chub's own small fleshy shoulder.

Becoming Uncles and Aunties

It is so surreal poring through the photos of people you don't contact much, on facebook. I start to realise that there is a certain trend to how people slowly turn into uncles and aunties..of cos myself included.

it makes u wonder how suave the uncle with the curly hair in front of you might have been in his younger days; how alluring the auntie with the big mole could have appeared quite some many years back.

Do they look back and reminisce about that chapter of their lives too?

What will I be thinking of on the same day 10 years later?

All Men Are Lousy, All Women Blind.

You.Are.A.Total.Bastard.
N.I.Am.A.Total.Idiot.

YOU have the right to be confused.
YOU have the right to feel tired.
YOU have the right to reconsider.
YOU have the right to like someone else.

but you DO NOT have the right to treat me like an idiot!

For months I cooked up excuses.
For months I covered up for you.
For months I held hope.
For months I waited.

and NO. YOU do not have have any sense of decency to end this off nicely.
NO, you do not even bother to end this!

Why didnt you let me go when I wanna?
I gave you the choice then. I opted out then.
I already said I'll let her win, WHOEVER she was then.

What happened to YOU?

Even if I'm short, with single eyelids, have stubby legs, a chubby face, i DO NOT deserve this.

U FUCKING BASTARD.

n today Chub took MC.

I relish the times at home.
Bobbing around. Doing nothing. Staring at nothing.

Though, Chub did read her Picoult. Her new book from MPH she bought last week.

Even typing this feels so relaxing.

Chub's looking forward to her break. woohoo.

Affirmative.

I hate business travels officially.
I wanna unpack before I finish packing.
I wanna turn back the moment I get on the cab.
I've developed a total dislike for Changi. When i know i'm on biz.

I am sure I wont feel this way for leisure travels tho.

Looking forward to Phuket. Can the one up there be so kind to arrange ET around it please?

Contemplating the Sept Europe trip to meet PLS there?
Or maybe a short trip to HK to catch up w AJO n finally visit Lankwaifong?
Tho i will really wish to return to US, once DD gets settled down in NYC. I think i will wanna visit North Carolina, Chapel Hill. ;)

muacks to myself. :D

it's been a long time!

It's a new year!

Woohoo!

Riz asked if I am trying to beat my own record.
No, I nvr had the intention.
I nvr knew I can be stretched that much at work.

An ex colleague passed away today.
Adds on to my heavy heart.

Coming home to a lights-out house, the pot of soup seems especially appealing. Thanks ma.

Chub woke ma up to ask if the big plate of vege was one of the dinner dishes. Ma jumped out of bed n busied herself fussing over Chub. @ half past midnite. Chub felt touched but guilty too. Tho it's The only Avenue.

Memory work

I used to be able to remember lyrics easily.
Now, I can't even recall songs' titles.

Hello Panda.

Do u remember?

When I was a kid, Ma always said that if someone taunts you, it shows that he still bothers about you. Otherwise he won't even bother interacting with you.

Chub remembers.
Tho, Chub does ponder what kind of person is she really?

Two diepnosophists, one yummy ayam penyet n a trusty Blackberry.

Chub is satisfied!

Since when..

Is having time for lunch a luxury
Having dinner after 10 a norm
Leaving at 8 a bonus
And rushing for the last train a target?

After all the hustle n bustle of the past few days, Chub's glad to stay in tonight.
Wanna read tt Time magazine. N catch up on the 3 issues of Reader's Digest.

I hate holidays.

There used to be a time when I thought This Is It. I am so gonna get married real soon, have my cute little babies and then watch doraemon together.

I probably did something evil. No, many things evil because each evil thing then accumulate into my current karma. Ignoring the beggars in Jakarta? Being rude to the taxi driver in Vietnam? Switching on the TVs in hotel rooms when i sleep? Wasting water? gawdamnit. Chub must have been evil even without realising it.

I hate festive periods now. ok i dun hate hate it but i hate it. I hate it for the memories i am forced to think of. Of the past 6 years. Wherever you are, I do not hate u. U may or not read this, but I am comfortable enough to say I still love u. Maybe not anymore as what it was like. But i do.

I still do not know why u ran away like that. Are u sick? Please tell us. no korean melodrama. I will cry myself to death in future if u are ever sick and i ever do get to know about it. So if u are, then pls die alone. ok fine, get those good frens whom u are still responding to to be with u. Yes i know who they are.

If u arent, please do not let me run into you. I am a pretty siao kia - pun absolutely intended for pretty - and i may feel the urge to call u every now and then. I might actually do. I did fine so far in restraining. If u really do not respond when I do, then pls rem to hide from me. Forever.

I am mad at the one up there. I know god is fair. U give me my height, so i can have my brains. I aint exactly smart, which explains why i aint THAT short too. It cld be worse.

but what did i do that u need to balance out my fortunes by taking him away? Yeah i had it good at work, but i worked hard. U can see that right. I was never complacent. I appreciate my own good fortunes and even tot I am such a lucky bitch. U read that blog entry too right??

I have a happy family even tho i am still disgruntled every now and then for the average equal lengths of bodies, esp for the 2 who gave me my life. and my average length body. But isnt everyone SUPPOSED to deserve a happy family?

I have wonderful friends. not too many. just those few i can count and name right away. is that a lot? i dont think so!

everyone one says things happen for a reason. I know i know i really know.
AND i f-ing really wanna know what that reason is.

tmd. i hate holidays.

The announcement's out.
It's a different ball game.

Chub has nvr felt this way.
But Chub has always been lucky. The one up there loves her pretty much.

With the new year approaching, the resolutions are manifesting.

To achieving them.
To everyone.:)

The terrible things u do when u are not tt sober.
Ok not exactly terrible but the feeling of silliness when u sudden sober up n realise u've beeen silly. Damn, Chub is one idiot man. Weird thing is she sobers up after an hour of sleep.
Sian. Chub knows all bk well n safe tho. N can only just laugh at herself for being silly. Haha.thanks to all!

Antiques

Chub stared at her prized possessions and realised they are all falling apart.
There isnt a single new piece added too since a few months ago.
Whatever happened to Chub's favourite hobby.

pick it up Chub.

爱上姜汁撞奶

The above is random. Alone at home and made myself this drink PLS bought back from HK.
It's delicious. I love it.

But the house is quiet.
Pa's driving.
Ma n Pumpkin's in Kukup.
PBS' at her DnD.
PLS' at her friend's house.

Chub is alone at home and the house is quiet.

Chub cannot stand the quietness. Chub is constantly looking for something to fill the quietness. Even when alone, Chub talks to herself. Of course not out loud. Chub is not a looney la. Chub just thinks and ask and answer herself.

Thinking whether to take the car and go gallivanting.
But Chub hates to drive.

And there's still Proposal R that Chub needs to clear. And she just cleared Proposal A where she's been at for the past few hours. Working on weekends, so pathetic huh.

Zombieland was depressing. I left the theatre feeling offbeat.

I know there was humour. Lots of it.
I can see the gore. It was everywhere.

But imagine living in a world where u can't move ard freely. Where u have to kill to survive. Where ur loved ones are bitten to death. Worse - when they turn into zombies.

The response towards BM's death was esp sick.

Ok I know this is just a cheap flick meant to entertain.
But I really wasn't entertained.

A US study finds that the cleaner your childhood environment was, the higher the probability of one catching more viruses in adulthood.

Hmm.

-snt that what Ah Ma always stressed when we were young?

They shld have just saved the trouble and ask Ah Ma.

Chub is very tired.

GET WELLLL

I just wish to get well very very fast. I hate coughing non stop. I hate sniffing. My nose was so rubbed and sore it's undergoing exfoliation. Painfulll. I wanna return properly to work. So Chub has been a very good girl staying at home for the past two days. Doc says the chance of me getting new bac from others is higher than me passing them on. I'm sick of sleeping in the living room. I wanna get well laaaaa

小狗爱

嘟女又一番心血来潮，想来个如老太婆的缠脚布一样的长篇大论。
但，惯性庸懒之心，突发性3分钟热度 - 是。障。碍。
加上不停地咳咳咳， 都快咳死了- 非。常。障。碍。

姑且，就让我轻描淡写，蜻蜓点水，轻轻松松地带过。

疑惑。开心。
压抑。兴奋。
不明。不了。总觉莫名其妙。
突然，一言惊醒梦中人。感谢嘟女夫。

现有的，嘟女珍惜，疼惜，怜惜。
就，跟着感觉走。

音。乐。响。起 。

Chub is back to work.
Woohoo.

stopthinkingstopthinkingstopthinking.

Holiday makes u feel like you've never felt before, think like you have not thought before.

And act out of your ordinary self.

This vacation is well-taken. 

And I will not have thought so if i hadnt bit the bullet and clicked on 'buy'. 

Alas, a vacation is a vacation. Chub needs to snap back to reality.

Come back Chub...

U.S.A

It's been more than a week since i'm here. NYC was merry-making. Boston is thought provoking. Helps tt I'm gonna be here for a few more days..

A lot of you may ask many whys. Why I didnt have any itinerary for the trip. Why I didnt even know where I'm gonna stay. Why I missed many a great tourist spots. Why I've chosen to stay in on a wonderful Saturday today.

Before I came, I've already convinced this is a trip about what I want to do. I walk when I wanna. I eat when I wanna. I sit when I wanna. I sleep when I wanna. 

There are too many plans in life that we do. We cant do without plans.

But there needs to be timeouts too. Some take the chocs. I take the real thing.

When you realised that for the most part of your essential years all that you've spent planning for equates to naught; when all that you think you are doing is for the greater good of the other is bullshit; when the person who mattered most didnt feel the same way about you apparently, then you need a break.

I had more hot chocolates this trip than water for the past 3 months. There were many occasions of sitting down in the cafe- Starbucks reign for the moment followed by Dunkin and Au Bon Pain - and reading my Time or Cecilia Ahern or just watching the world go by.

I wonder why the transition comes now. Is it a punishment or a test? 

Same line as whether the glass is half-full or half-empty.

It's almost rhetoric as noone can answer it quite as well as just being politically correct.

I am taking that pretty well now. I can look back. I can tell and retell without the urge to let my tears fall. It's just the closure. Either I'm not willing or I really dunno how.

Perceptions at work has changed too. There's a paradigm shift. I find myself struggling within to find it. what is it, i have no idea. I know i am happy in general. but what is the frigging it. 

Many hours spent pondering. walking, thinking. Sitting, thinking.

Walking around the Harvard campus yesterday did provide some well-intended inspiration. I feel motivated to return to school. but that is something that will not happen at least in '10. 

I digress.

Or did I?

Why?

It was 1-sided. It was forced.
At best, it was a pseudo conclusion.

Puzzle remains unsolved.

大家说

你说
他说
老板说
我说。

好。我听。我听。

Life's a Mockery.

When It arranged for me to catch This Is It on Thursday.

一视同仁未必为佳

宁愿自私，偏心。
总好过无声无息。

就这样了吗？

Life's Cruelty

A big fat slap.

Colleagues really cannot be friends.
what doesnt matter doesnt hurt.
Chub needs to practise what she preaches.

Chub needs to wake up a bit more and stop being so emotional.

Investment. Not Expenditure.

5 years.
6 years.

In the Company.
And in The Company.

Not all investments yield a profit.
But all provide an experience.
And a lesson to be learnt.

The Other Side

Felt left behind? How about leaving behind?
Felt wronged? How about being righted your wrong?
Felt depressed? How about letting yourself down?

You must have been pushed to the end too.
You must have gone thru ur struggles too.
You must have also thought of the millions what-ifs, perhaps, maybes too.

You must have felt lonely. You must have felt you were wronged.

Thankful that at sunset, Chub's still able to recognise and empathize.
That Chub is no longer 17.
That Chub is no longer just Chub.

Chub loved, loves and will continue to love.

Waiting

Whether something is worth going or waiting for depends on your own set of values and priorities.

I will go for Waipo's birthday dinner certainly, over going for yoga.
Nothing much to think about here basically.

Even when I know it may be too long a break, I think it's worth it. At least according to my value system now and then. And my feelings.

I'll do it.

A,B, C and D.
when will the real desired E finally come?

Biodata

I carry a new Espirit bag.
I sport a freshly permed hair.
I received my first Tag.
I got a skirt as a birthday present.

It's the absence of mundane information as such that strikes a chord.
Be glad that you still have access to mine..

Light

Vladivostok is serene.

It's 4pm Singapore time, but 7pm here.
The sun is setting.

Hotel Amursky Zaliv is located right beside Amur Bay - the same bay that Hotel Vladivostok was located from my last trip.

It must be a blessing in disguise that standard rooms are full in HV. AZ is even closer to the bay. You can see the water glistening.
And the mini theme park beside it.
With the Yacht dock by the side.

I do not know how to describe it better nor is my camera powerful enough to capture what I am looking at now.

I see an overcast sky full of clouds but with tiny openings where sun rays pore through touching the water surface. The mist in the air made clear lines of diffused light. Like there are flood lights attached in the sky shining down.

Close your eyes and imagine.

How beautiful...

Yes, I washed my face.

Chub was bathing and couldnt remember if she has washed her face. Chub reached out for the cleanser and that action triggered images of recall - of her pale short arms holding the plastic container. Chub has washed her face.

The above may be a negative side effect of Chub's intense effort to condition her brain cells to discard memories that shouldnt be there. To remember only things important to her.

Chub is puzzled though. As washing her face IS important.

Death Note

Bock and I had an impromptu discussion on our eulogies.

He said I must mention he was good in sports. He tried very hard to prove that to me since. So yes I am sorta convinced up til now la. Dunno bout eons later.

I told him to not forget to say that I was resilient.

I am.

The Kiss That Melts Chub's Heart

The Moments.

The ground shook and Silly Chub tot it was renovation.
Until everyone's left their seats with her remaining.
If the building collapsed then, Chub still has many things left to say and do.

*********************************
The last letter typed in and ready, only to get a forced distraction.
but the moment's past.
and the courage's gone.

I am delighted

because a very dear neurotic friend smsed to inform of her boyfriend's proposal with a balloon signboard that floated across her bedroom window.

Love ya. =)

CCXF Meets Bockie

The affair has always been a joyous one. I love his guy who's been in my life since I was 17.
I so thank him for going against his better judgement then, seeing through my outer superficial Ah Lian facade and taking that first step to talk to me, all the while taking caution not to go too near the pointed end comb in my pure white Espirit shoulder bag and ducking precariously when I flip my brown streaked long hair.

Bockie doesnt mind me calling him Bockie. Bockie doesnt mind me adding Pig to Bockie at times. Bockie doesnt mind me driving his car, which I will certainly consider now that it's a selfish Audi so unfitting of clumsy shortie (legged) me.
Bockie doesnt mind my loudness. Bockie doesnt mind my embarrassing chuckles.
Bockie doesnt mind my yawns, whines and public-cry.

Just like I don't mind Bockie's coining the tongue-twister initials CCXF.

I am a proud iPod owner.

even when it's a handmedown from Pumpkin.

I'm happy. yay.

D Day.

"Happy birthday!!! I wish you good health and good luck in your endeavours. Have a good day!!=)"

"Wishing you a joyous birthday with lots of wealth & good health.:)"

What's the difference in the above 2 birthday greetings?

Fly the Fiendish Skies - by Matthew Lynn, a columnist for Bloomberg.
This article was published in the Jakarta Globe on 12 August in the Comments Section. I am reproducing it manually because I love how it summarises how I feel in general about air travel, though I have not YET switched to budget airlines. But my full fledged airlines arent that much better either.

Caught a plane recently? How was the flight? If you're honest, it was probably a horrible experience.

The airports are packed to the rafters, now more than usual with the holiday season. The checkin desks are overwhelmed. The staff can be bossy and the rules ridiculous. The additional charges range from the baffling to the infuriating. Allocated seats have been abolished along with the meals. It is hell 30,000 feet above the ground.

There is no question that flying is a less pleasantexperience than it was 30 years ago. Economists tell us that most products get better over time in a free market. The airlines have managed to rip up that rule book. The question is whether other industries will follow the same path or whether the airlines will find a way to make flying fun again.

In the last decade, most carriers have stripped out just about everything that made flying a tolerable, sometimes even pleasurable experience. Cattle on the way to the abbatoir receive better care than most passengers do on the new breed of budget airlines. The North KOrean postal service probably knows more about putting the customer first than most airline staff.

People have noticed. Two of the biggest hits on the Internet this year have been from exasperated air travellers. There was a letter to Richard Branson, the president of Virgin Atlantic Airways, complaining about the 'culinary journey of hell' on a Virgin flight. United Airlines was expertly dissected by a country singer aggrieved that his carrier had damaged his guitar. His song, "United Breaks Guitars," has had almost five million views on Youtube.

The trouble is, it is about to get much worse.

Ryanair, the Irish budget airline that prides itself on not caring about service, is now thinking about charging to use teh toilets. It is already getting rid of check-in desks and the company plans to make passengers carry all their baggage onto the plane. They will probably get us to bring along a few liters of jet fuel pretty soon.

The Chinese carrier Spring Airlines is contemplating selling "standing-only" tickets to pack more people onto its planes, according to a report on MSNBC. Even British Airways, which used to boast about the quality of its service, is joining the rush down to cattle calss. Last month. the airline said free meals were being abolished after 10am for flights less than 2 and a half hours. It won't be long before they put you in your suitcase and charge you for breathing.

On one level, we know what is happening. The no-frills, budget business model has triumphed. Passengers always take the cheapest possible flight, forcing all the airlines to cut costs drastically.

Flying used to be an exciting, glamourous event. When I was a kid, friendly flight attendants would take you up to the cockpits to have a chat with the pilot and see how it all worked. These days, they don't even let parents sit next to their children unless the whole family runs like crazy onto the plane elbowing aside everyone in front of them.

Of course, it's true that flights are cheaper and there are more of them. Yet, that isnt quite the explanation.

In most industries, products are both cheaper and better. Computers are loads faster and cost less than they did 10 years ago. The same is true of cars and televisions and just about any consumer product you can think of.

NOr do consumers normally opt for such a dramatic decline in quality even if they do get lower prices in return.

Thank about what would happen if they did. We would all be staying in spartan hotels right next to the highway. Restaurants would be serving us ready-made meals from cans - awful but very cheap. The barber would just get out his sheep shears and give us a trim.

Only when it comes to air tickets have consumers decided that price is the sole thing that matters. The choice between price and quality in most other industries doesnt matter.

Airports may be giving us a glimpse of the future. In 20 years' time, perhaps every industry will be run ont the Ryanair model: Drive down prices to the minimum and tell the customer to take a hike.

Alternatively,perhaps the airline industry is still in a period of transition from old state-run monopolies to a free market. That process has gone crazy, allowing companies to a period of freedom in which they can be as rude to the customer as they like and get away with it. Over time, a better compromise between price and quality will emerge.

Something needs to be done about air travel. Otherwise, we might be tempted to chuck ourselves from the emergency exit, even if there is an extra 10-euro charge for doing so.

Self pity is Despicable.

So what if you have no friends to watch movie with.

So what if you travel alone, carry luggage alone, sleep alone and eat alone.

So what if you go to a squat toilet with no hooks on the door and a wet floor and you are carrying a heavy laptop bag.

So what if you have to climb hills, step mud and travel in a car for 3 hours before reaching a destination.

So what if you have to wake up 5 hours before work.

So what if you have 7 datelines in 7 days.

So what if you work 18-hour days and 7-days week.

So what if the haze caused you swollen eye and the food caused you to laosai.

So what.

There are people with so much worse to bear.
They just don’t say and you just don’t know.

Think Again. Don’t be despicable.

Habitual routine

After I remove my watch, I'll naturally reach to remove my ring.

Buddha Bless Vietnam

Reuters' news says it will take 300 years to clear all land-mine bombs in Vietnam, at the current rate it's going.

god..

Home away from Home

Since it's raining heavily, i have nowhere to go for dinner except the mini resto at my hotel. Those who've been with me before will know my hotel. ;)

Again, they do not have the usual fare on the menu. This time tho, they offered me what the family is eating too. Duck Noodle Soup.

It tastes like home.

Bobby Chinn Hanoi

It's raining cats n dogs here in Hanoi and I just returned from my first ever TV Talkshow recording. Could have really been more organised but it's over.

The taxi went the usual route around Hoan Kiem lake. It's the first time i see no crowd at its peripheral on a Sat night. The lights at the central pavilion shone so brightly against the rain. I see the little shadows and ripples made by the rain falling on the waters of the lake.

It really looked like the romantic Hanoi that Bobby Chinn described in that Sony Camcorder advert.

Plastic Bag Philosophy

I have a plastic bag for my toiletries.

This morning, after breakfast and when housekeeping was done, I went into the bathroom and noticed my plastic bag had gone missing. The extra facial wash within was emptied onto the sink area. Damn the auntie to throw away my only plastic bag. Where on earth can I keep my toiletries in my luggage now!

Just as suddenly as I started to fume, I directed my thoughts in another direction.

Auntie must have thought I've been lazy to empty the contents. She must have noticed the dilapidated state my plastic bag, and the smaller plastic bags within have become and hence helped me to throw them away. That must be it.

The image of an uncouth and crude cleaning auntie was replaced by a kind wrinkled face woman, washing hard at the toilet.

I turned to leave the bathroom. And there it was. My plastic bag hanging on the door knob. Auntie had really meant to tidy up my bathroom.

Happiness beget happiness. Positivity attracts positivity.

To a wonderful day ahead. =)

Yakuza Moon

Bought this at the Times bookshop @ T1 yesterday before flying off.

I'm indulged.

It is indulging me.

That woman is strong.

I recall the CRM class where we were asked to do a Checklist on relations in the company.

There was an item which asked for "I have colleagues who are friends".
Instructor said if we dont check this, it spells trouble.

I don't agree.

I may have mentioned not less than umpteenth times to friends to you to everyone to my blog that Friends and Colleagues constitute different definitions. Both enjoy different priviledges.
It's hard for me to mix. I keep a distance with Colleagues. purposely.

I am patient with colleagues but stern when a job's not done.

I am impatient with friends, but accepting when conflicts arise.

The above is of course non-exhaustive.

Same old shit again

Pa called...

Darker with Lines

At dinner on Friday with the gang, Shyan says my face is not as smooth and fair as before already.

Indeed i admit.

Then again, while I strive to work against the elements of aging to the best of my abilities, I have to constantly remind myself not to become obsessed with it.

From the looks of things though, it's hard for me to get engrossed when it takes such effort just to rem to use the toner before my moisturiser every day.

I rem my goal to age gracefully. ;)

Talking to people

Went on a course on Communication and Relationaship Management for the past 2 days.

The class of 20 consists mostly of senior executives in their business for 10,20 and even 30 years. It was terribly interesting to observe their behaviour and response throughout the 2 days.Most were the Baby Boomers and X-Gen. It's really intriguing to note, decipher and interpret their actions.

The instructor was a very humble guy. In his early 50s but addressed me sometimes as Mdm. I know he was leading by example and also being polite, but I cldnt get used to it throughout.

There are things I do not agree with though for the course, especially when an absolute statement seems to be meted.

Communication is dynamic, relationship management diverse.
I recalled 1 thing vividly from my first Econs lecturer back in JC - humans are irrational.

To me, communication is a reaction. Yes there are patterns to generalise, to observe, to prepare for but not an absolution. By saying an absolute 'not' here, I am perhaps also stepping on irony.

To give an example: there was an exercise which was supposedly an indicative test on the phase of life we are at for the moment. Being the only Y-gen in the class, i was typed to be ambitious, seeking recognition, looking for self-esteem and job challenges.

The result was an astounding 40% leaning towards 'Time with Family' versus 20% equal weightage for Higher Pay, More Challenges and Job Recognition. My neighbour - an X-Gen older than me by more than 2 decades was surprised.

It seems baffling on the surface but was a simple explanation to me: my job requires such frequent travelling, i'm lucky to get a full month in Singapore. I was forced to view time with family and loved ones as very treasured. Therefore anything compared to that pales.

My character also traits me as emotional. I feel strong passion for people I love. And i expect it in return. I havent gotten to the "Love is kind...Love is Noble' stage yet. But this leaves another discussion for future.

Coupled with my upbringing on family-oriented values, the results are hardly unexpected.

For the record, Getting a Promotion scored 0%. You'll know why.

JADED

Chubby Yiyi is officially sadded because dearie Cherelle seemed to not recognise her in the video call just now.

BOOHOOOO...

等。

听起来很沉重。
意义在哪里？尺度在哪里? 时间长短又从何算起?
如果是人- 值得吗？
如果是物- 有意义，有价值吗？
人说"爱到深处无怨尤“
*嘟女说“爱到深处变牛油“啦。

夜深人静。看youtube，不睡觉。还在这里发谬论。哈。

*胖嘟嘟女简称是也。（是我啦！）

Cherelle n Her Animal Sounds

This cutest kid of all time learn things at an amazing speed.

At barely a year plus old, she's now able to recite the National Pledge, tell stories from "One Day" until "The End", sing the chorus of the hokkien opening song of the weekend "Love" drama on channel 8 and, make animal sounds.

"Cherelle, tell yiyi what sounds does a dog make."

Woh Woh.

"How about a cat?"

Miao Miao.

"So clever, a duck?"

Quack Quack.

"A hen?"

Cokcokgei!

"Wah.. and a horse?"

CHIKOBEIBEI!

To laugh or to cry?

At AhMa's house 1 day in my usual visits to play with dearie Cherelle.

It was her feeding time and she's throwing tantrums about drinking the milk. I tried to coax her by pouring the milk into a cup and asking her to drink from it. It worked. All kids like to act grown up. Drinking from the cup gave her a sense of achievement, albeit the fact that her hands were still very unsteady.

When my concentration flicked for a sec, the cup pingpianged to the floor with a wondrous splash of the while coloured drink onto the floor, the sides of the sofa, my wallet sticking out of my bag and the outsides of my bag.

AhMa: ORH see la see la! ah ni pai si!

Cherelle looked at me with her innocent big eyes, glinting with a mixture of gulit, horror and amazement of a baby kid.

As I raced through my mind in those milliseconds thinking of ways to pacify her, this little tot cooed: IT OK, NEBER MINE NEBER MINE. IT OK", all the while waving her tiny hands at me.

She.Was.Pacifying.Me.

I laughed til I cried.

On MSN last week w Pumpkin

PK: Hey when are you coming back?

Me: 1 July lor.

PK: See, I told Mama. She say u coming back 29 June.

Me: no la, 1 July afternoon flight reach.

PK: Actually where are u now?

Me: Vietnam.

PK: See i told Dajie u in Vietnam, she insists u are in Indonesia.


the conversations at home must have been very interesting..ke. credits to Pumpkin for her good memory. maybe teachers need this prowess to rem all the names of their students..ha.

How Old Are You?

While watching TV this evening, Pa sauntered over to dajie's side.
Ma took the lead: "Your papa asking how old you all are already. He cant wait for you all to get married already."

Pa to Dajie: "How old are you ah?"

Silence.

Pa again: "29 ah"

It worked. Dajie: "28 hor!"

Ma:" I told papa to ask you all himself. He say why so old still not getting married. He see other people's daughters getting married he cant wait already."

It was a precarious situation.

When my mind was mapping the escapte route - go drink water? go throw rubbish? go pee? - "How old are you ah?" Too late. Pa's attention was on me.

Silent. I pretended to be very tired and didnt bother to reply. It worked. Since I am indeed officially on MC at home.

Crisis solved.

Mum was dozing off watching TV. I see her striving hard to lift her head and open her eyes, like waiting for a particular show that she cant miss.

When she nodded her head for the umpteenth time, she finally gave up.

"I am too sleepy. Help me record the 10.30pm show" she said, as usual referring to our competent recording feature the the Hubstation.

As I was still figuring out what show it is, she said:" The one on Michael Jackson."

We are all indeed from the MJ Era.

Wow.

Are u lost?

I know it's weird but getting the news first thing today when i woke up marred my spirits. I feel kinda.. lost. hm. not that I know what songs there were in the best-seller Thriller, but i know a few lyrics of Heal The World, okay.

We all grew up in his era. He is a pervasive culture. Just like MacD.

if u wake up 1 day with news that MacD has gone bankrupt, and closed down overnight, taking away all the secret-reciped french fries and nuggets, how'd u feel?

Lost, right? Ya lor..

i find that i can sit in front of my lappie for 6 hours straight just replying emails, scanning facebook, scrolling down the msn contact list, replying a random chat, checking my inbox again, scanning facebook, scrolling down msn, replying randomly...

woah. i'm a nerd or wat.

n it's wed night.

in vietnam.

sigh.

Found an accquaintance blog and am so inspired by her writings. no no preaching no chants just her ramblings. she's random. and i like it.

how random can i be?

From Dusk til Dawn

It has been a tumultuous journey with Edward and Bella.

From Twilight to New Moon to Eclipse to Breaking Dawn. It does help tremendously my imagination fitting the images of the beautiful on-screen leads with those in my books, especially - as if timed perfectly - I saw the poster for New Moon the week I began the book on this 2nd installment of the series outside Lido. And I visit Orchard perhaps 3 times a year. Or lesser.

I started to wonder how long more the story can have my attention as I ventured into the 2nd book. The focal injection of Jacob Black ( the name always reminds me of Joe Black dunno why ), whose on-screen persona I had imagined can be more delicious (contrary to reviews), had certainly upped the entertainment value of the series.

Like the usual story-telling gimmicks, New Moon was a tad boring as compared to the other 3. It was meant to be a build up. Think Harry Potter episode 4.

But once you get through it, expect a whirlwind.

Bella continuous humanly cockups get you frustrated. Her discovery of the love for Jacob makes you perplexed. The involvement of the Volturi sends chills down your spine. The reveal of Alice’s, Jasper’s and Rosalie’s backgrounds opens your eyes. The relentless pursuit from Victoria causes u anxiety.

And then, the annihilation of Victoria brings relief. The warming up of Rosalie to Bella stirred feelings of affection. The engagement of Edward and Bella sends love.

Reading becomes unstoppable.

You want to know whether Jacob gets unrequited love (even tho u know the answer in your heart). You want to know whether Bella becomes a vampire (even tho it’s obvious the direction towards the middle of the 4th book). You want to know if the baby gets birthed (even tho you bite your teeth and shake your head on the torture Bella went through). You want to know whether the Volturi gets defeated (even when you had caught a glimpse of the last chapter that says Happily Ever After).

Now I just want to see how Carlisle and Esme and Jasper and Alice and Rosalie and Emmet and Sam and Emily and Leah and Seth and Aro and Jane and Alex and Tanya and Eleazar, AND RENESMEE (whose name I’ve tried mind-mouthing it to not very good success) look like. Cant wait.

We Love BLACK ANGEL

You see you see!

See la Chub! play fastest fingers first ah. first call first win ah. siao. so impatient for wat. dunno how to control ah. cause people to react so violently. cause people to lose 1 source of entertainment. even tho they say it's a blessing in disguise also dun think u've done a good deed lor. alamak. bleah. reflect!

Only when it's gone

There was a sense of loss when the realization struck. Somethings you just don't realise it when it's there. you assumed it will always be there. i never thought i'll actually feel something.

5 years of proximity and interaction, i actually felt weird when CollA mentioned CollS' gone.

some people, some things, you'll realise only when it's gone..

My Name is Cherelle Lee Le En...

..and I have an Yiyi who smiles to herself everytime she thinks of me! MUAH!

You read Nora Roberts' The Dream Trilogy?

I use the first 2 pages of a book to determine whether i'll carry on reading and NR's style of writing is so intricate it's very easy to follow. This Dream Trilogy appeals so much to me coz I have my own 3-in-a-clique gangs too. 2 in fact, with 1 member-overlap. venn diagram. ha.

I can identify with the 'friendship' structure' within. Each book follows 1 of the 3 main characters - Margo, Kate and Laura. It's a love story for each and every book ends with a proposal of a kind for the female lead. No i am not hinting, i'm way beyond that. i'm quite a sucker for romance novels la.

I can feel how they feel for one another. The sisterly love within. My dearies are really just like my own - and that gives me 6 sisters in all - except that because we started out as friends, we are a lot more cordial and expressively-loving than that within my own traditional family.

I like to talk about how I feel. I vent my anger. I show my frustration. I'm expressive. I feel a sense of balance from these 'internal' and 'external' sisterships.

I love them all.

A. WARE BEWARE NOWHERE!

Name me 1 person in Singapore who isnt A. WARE of the most popular drama playing out now? 24 hours, LIVE (hey i am sure they rehearse their responses/comments/spats/justifications/gungho-ism in their dreams k!) Reading through the daily reports - gives me a sense of home as they resemble the daily exchange of ideas (read:words) between my 2 cute office cleaning aunties - i cant help but recall my days back in Hall, spotlight JCRC.

Did it all seem so silly then to people watching us on the sidelines? As we argued red-faced which comm deserved to be Super Major? Which Major Comm Chair doesnt deserve the Major points? Whether Minor Secretarial Comm has done so much out of just taking minutes we might just wish to consider awarding Intermediate status?

Man.. saying the terms now makes me giggly.. hehehe..those were the days..ahhh..

Seriously, as I am fully A. WARE of my gender, I feel damn paisei. Are they actually A. WARE of the shame they are putting on themselves and how everyone who's A. WARE of this is making a joke out of it?

Did I actually hear someone being A. WARE of a DBS Executive?

And someone foruming that HE (as gender wasnt specified, i hope against hope there arent only bimbos) will stop using DBS issued credit cards and considering to stop banking at all with DBS?

Poor DBS. So poor thing.

Pardon my spelling above. This drama is so top-hot that I wish to avoid my blog turning up within the Golden Triangle on gOgE or TacKnowRaTee just by having someone searching for the major..i mean magic, word. Or does it actually help???Shit.

I am sohappysohappysohappysohappysohappysohappy!
i'm gonna be at H.O.M.E - HOME Singapore HOME on Labour Day
which is a PH
which is a FRIDAY!

YAYAYAYAYAyyyyyy I promise I will KILL anyone who destroys this for me. I will!

Go Away.

Hope Baby Cousin gets well soon.
Hope Auntie don work it up again
Hope Uncle can accept the reality soon and god bless the family.

bad news came like a rush today when I finally return to my peaceful motherland that I have grown to really appreciate. Esp so after this trip to Incredible I.

All the bad things GO AWAY.

Ken just gave me the number of the station manager in AMD airport. a singaporean. i'll have a singaporean to accompany for dinner at least. still a lil bleah, but woohoo.

Dread

No I don't think it's unfair. It's my job and there's my mantra.

But tomorrow (today in fact) is such a perfect harmony of public hol + Ma's off day + dj-has-a-car day, and I have to board a 7.30am flight.

It's late, i'm tired but I cant bear to go to bed. I watched tv. I lazed on the sofa. I bathed late. I washed the long overdue clothes. I folded clothes. I packed my luggage (finally). Only to realise I'm simply creating the illusion that I'm spending the holiday in Sg; i'm spending it at home. yay. bleah.

Alas, I'm missing out all the family fun and I dun like it one bit. It doesnt help tt i'm reminded of the 6 hours transit later on - I could have finished 3 pieces of prata w them, y am I wasting it in Mumbai? Argh. Bleah.

What else is there to do?

Blogging at this 3am because I had just finished the whole series of Kotboda Namja. In the 2nd last episode when Joon Pyo recalled Jandi, I teared. Ok wat's new for Chub right. But i just had to. Following this whole series starting from Vietnam - i chanced upon the 1st episode on the KBS channel in the unexpected city of Hanoi, recognised it as the F4 show within 2 secs and the rest is history. The show brought me on an emotional roller coaster ride, and now it's over.

i always lament towards the ending of my then-favourite show; while in the last pages of my then-favourite novel, that I will have nothing to do when i finish them. I always try to drag a little on purpose. Pause to go take that milo from the fridge; challenging myself to stand properly without my book for once on the train; willing myself to forget putting the book back into my bag before leaving the house to work. etc etc.

I finished Silent Sisters this afternoon. I completed KN series moments ago. Now, tell me where my heart can go. I have nothing else to do and I feel a little lonely.

Until the next one comes along that is.

Chub has to blog this now because Chub is very pissed off.

A shortie got onto the usual airport taxi in Hanoi airport and fished out the usual dong waiting for the change at the destination. Then she was slapped with the info that the charges are higher because it is a bigger car. Shortie does not rem that this is a fact and so Shortie argued. Shortie refused to get off the car. Driver took down the luggage and tried to drive off with Shortie in it. Shortie was adamant and left the door open while Driver drove off. Driver got off and tried to close the door and shouted at Shortie. Shortie used her left leg to block the door and got hurt in process. The shopowners and customers of at least 5 shops gathered and watched the saga. Shortie gave up and got down the car.

The above saga all for the total of 20000 dong more. Won't tell u the exchange rate, find out yourselves.

Damn stupid. damn damn stupid. Chub is very angry now with Shortie. Shortie is damn stupid to attempt such a thing. Shortie is in foreign land and at the hotel she always stays in. Did Shortie stop for a moment to think of the possible consequences and future repurcussions? Shortie simply wasnt using her brains.

And Shortie had the knack to cry in hotel room. Yes she was traumatised. but she deserved it.

bleah.

And i spent money again!

not for myself k. Was out looking for dresses for Pumpkin and lo and behold, the shop that I had been religiously eyeing had to close on a Saturday! Sigh. I went there in the rain ok - Pumpkin i tried! You have to wait til the next time already i guess.

ended up going to the shop BESIDE and bought 2 tops for Ma. very nicely embroidered. It's funny why i never flinch when it's buying things for loved ones. it's in USD. don't even ask me how much. Just that i will prob think for a few weeks before parting with the money if it was for myself.

ok. fine. i did buy a ring. and a scrunchy. 2. ok fine, 4.

but it was only 1 buck each! usd tho.

IBox135

My favourite spot in this ice cream parlour with attractive pink tables and flowery paintings, is the extreme corner beside the window. The name itself is subtly misleading as I kept remembering the address as 135 when it's actually 133 Hai Ba Trung, though it's literally next door anyway. Come if you drop by HCMC.

I have never tried the ice cream here, for irony's sake. But i'm not a fan naturally. It just gives serenity. Perhaps everytime i'm here, it'll be the last day before I return home. Everytime i'm here, this corner is always available. Everytime i'm here, it'll be before one of the very slight breaks I can take in between a long one. Or ones this time.

I came here to do my usual. But I am distracted this time. I couldnt take my eyes of Twilight. I am mesmerised by Edward Cullen, intrigued by Isabella Swan. I think i'll name my future son Edward. Cant decide if Isabella's too much of a mouthful for Ma though.

Chub switches between being sanguine to baleful recently.

Happiness always sets in naturally when L calls. I can tell myself, when I start gushing in our limited time what I did today, whether i farted or not. Smiles set in when images of my loved ones flash across randomly. Was simply clicking on all past pictures in my battled laptop and i couldnt help cracking up. Some even made me laugh out loud, only to induce self-consciousness immediately when there was no usual human-like responses within the 4 walls of my elusive hotel room. ( i swear i will faint if there is any anyway)

Reading Twilight's an enjoyment too. I will not be writing this if not for my logical self winning the mental debate on whether my eyes are too strained or not. Already, I cannot stare properly at breakfast. Yesterday's night marathon reading left me slightly cross-eyed. I suspect though that this unusual logical win is also because of the current development of the story i'm getting to. Bella is now being persued by The Tracker. And who says staring at the computer makes it better!

and so I stared out of the window. and was prompted. I am one soulful being who likes to think - albeit not the very sane thoughts mostly. and i now think as i type.

I am not sure i'm ready, to be honest. MY says she believes i am. but am i? yes i'm a leo, but not the extreme typical type. Just typical. i love to be the centre of attraction, but only when i'm comfortable. Not the other way round like for extreme ones. I know i like to lead, but only when i'm confident. Am i now? I dun even know how to breakdown the annual report! (and i just don't have the zest of life right now to re-pick up my Ten Day MBA).

i'm thinking hard. so hard i dun wanna click on Overseas Trip and start entering my report. I just want to think. hard. how will I restructure? how can we re-arrange? how do I allocate? how will i be? maybe HH is right. The fact lies that i'm young. 5 years is not a long corporate life.

It'll work out fine i guess. it always had been. I'm the kind who responses. after all, moving up at such speed over the years must have desensitized me quite a bit. But somehow this time's different. I'm getting the feeling of crossing over from Sec to JC all over. This is a huge jump.

i'm suddenly very aware.

The Doraemon Story

Once upon a million times, Chub was on the plane to Vietnam and got bored as usual. Suddenly she remembered a prized possesion in her bag.

Tata! It's a box of Doraemon Chewys!

WOW. there's even a Shiny Card. How COOL is that???
Chub opens the wrapper.
Mmm. YUMMY!

Thank you Auntie! ;)

L's Place

I Came. I Saw. I Conquered.

i must admit my 10.9 secs ride was expensive.

7 storeys.

Chub's brave!

Chub's Dior from L

Lohei 2009

a pittance 3 all coz of my travels. but ma n pa were sweet. Happy Chap Go Meh. =)

high high high high. woohoo.

I love Samuel, Daniel and Amiel. =)

spent my CNY visiting, and then went mambo, wala2, played tennis, had steamboat with some of the Gang, adjourned to play cards at Mel's house. and today's already Sunday.

Colleague's wedding later on at noon. Was quite surprised initially that I was invited. not that i dun get along with them, but i had all along purposefully maintained a distance. Only that rare 2 that I categorise to be in between frens and work partners. nonetheless, weddings are always joyous hence i'm pretty delighted and surely make it.

the band at Wala2 in HV was pretty good. I probably can enjoy more if i was more familiar with the English songs, but my fav is still the Jay Chou number that the indian singer belted out. he was pretty superb, not missing a beat nor biting on that pronounciation.

9 days break gone like that. i havent washed those basket of clothes plus the makeup sponges. i need to do it today. really quite fan jian, always choosing to do things under time-pressed conditions.

i'm longing to learn something new. and it has to tie in with my schedule. but i already know what i want to learn.

i guess i'll see most of the peeps properly only in April..

things that arent planned are all the more cherishable. how i agree. =)

P.S I Love You

I didnt catch the movie, but was wondering whether they re-edited the book after the movie was shown? I felt like READING a movie as I flipped through the pages. Whenever I had to put the book down for a while, it was like a scene in my mind was PAUSEd and ready for PLAY later.

Holly and Gerry seemed to be abbreviations/pet names of Hilary Swank and Gerald Butler? was this one of the considerations of the directors when they chose the leads?

the writing's very good - for lack of a better word from my poor vocab. i love that style.

This is the first Cecilia Ahern book i've read and i only remembered the name now coz it's just beside me in the luggage as i type. I've only ever memorised Enid Blyton from my childhood and Jk Rowling from my adulthood. The latter triggered my fondness for reading after a long hiatus when I was 'searching for myself' in those awkward ages.

I finished the book in 5 days. minus away 3 days equivalent of which was spent travelling, attending fairs, clearing emails, working on that dumb report. It was that captivating. Which explains why I am here at this time - not from reading the book, but from completing work that I shld have done in the 3 hours before the fair today, of which i spent finishing up the book. Read it at the breakfast table, read it along the way back to room, read it on the bed in room, finished it.

I asked myself if I will want Gerry to leave me notes if I was Holly. Yes - because I need to be pushed basically. without that, Holly won't have gone on the Karaoke, knew Daniel, found support n friendship, landed the wonderful job. No - because I will just cling on more. I'll get more used to Gerry being 'around', and therefore further away from accepting he's gone.

The scales seem to tip more to the yes side. Holly was healed. In a fashion she wasnt acutely aware of. Yes she did things because it was on The List, but she did get something out of those achievements. It probably moved her further away from Gerry more than she thought brought her memories closer.

Holly's dilemmas and internal struggles seem to echo mine. Or perhaps everyone else's. Not the same issues of course, but similar ways? You get motivated. And then you despair. that's me now.

6am airport transfer later. Good night.

Lagi!

Fun! controlled pretty well tonight. esp the timing - right ms feng, suami? both were expected at work tomorrow but were so game to accompany me tonight. i know why i luv them. i always know.. muacks!

What do you do when you are unhappy with a friend?
n i meant those Lifetime ones..

1. Respond earnestly.
2. Sulk all u wanna. cry if you must.
3. tell him/her your honest feelings..
4. ..and that this still won't affect the friendship becos u have sulked it all out!

All's well again! Long Live Friendship!

prayers

WG's warded. bless him pls.

Technology

Been very very very lazy to blog. nearly 2 months. quite some things to update on like Anthony n Qinyi's wedding last week, Wanyi's wedding last last week, L's posting..but just too lazy to bring the lappie home. and when it's finally home, was simply too lazy to turn it on. Perhaps because it sorta reps W.O.R.K and i happen to have NoWorkAtHome syndome.

i just have this nagging in my head now. it's my biggest complaint on technology. the famous or infamous facebook. true i really do love how it helps me to keep in touch with my friends and for the first time an unprecedented number of family members. what's pretty touchy now is the list of friends to confirm. i had intended to keep it to friends. and really friends. but A added, then B, then C. if u confirm A u gotta confirm B and then C. makes me rather scared to log on now since everyone can see when was the last time u logged on if u ever just change a status to "XXX is happy." (that's how i caught colleague W winning games at WEIRD times. haha. nah aint gonna say anything coz he's ultra nice.:P)

no, aint talking about u if u know about this blog through me. i am developing a paranoia for the internet. is this another sign of getting old?

anyway. finally tennis-ed on fri. touched my dusty wii on sat and badminton today. small regret is the failed blading outing on sat. all coz of the marathon. but i think i wanna join next year. 10k. walk. no run. any takers? :P

this year we decided to have a gift exchange amongst ourselves. the thing is, i really am confused now the number i picked. was it PBS, PLS or Pumpkin. damn. told Pumpkin not to use number already. i'm not sensitive to numbers! grr.

met all of my vips vvips vvvvips of my life this past week for a few times. best was the no-agenda-nor-plan short outing with Suami n Ms Feng on sat noon. sitting down at toastbox sipping teh, eating bread, soooping halfboiled egg was blissful lei. let's do it again. hmm. no wait. this kind cannot plan one. waiting for the next impromptu one. muacks, love u all.