It's not even 8 n I'm nearing home on the NEL!
I wonder if I'm dreaming.

Gawd. This period is really stressing me out.
Paranoia!

Dreams provide glimpses of the future at times.

Sometimes I experience 'what if' events in my dreams. The feelings I had were so vivid that I woke startled. But I appreciate those moments. They somehow help get me prepared mentally for the unarrived.

Have you ever?

the song rings in my head. Have u ever tot of the drastic? The extreme?

like for example, what if you just die like that in your sleep? What will u be regretting in your afterlife if there's one?

I tot of my family. Have I told them I love them? I always have. it may not be an explicit expression, but I know I've shown and akways show it in my actions.

How about my darlings? Not many so u know who u are. I love u guys.

My enemies? Hm. Double hm. Who? It aint war. How do u define enemy? Sounds too strong. Maybe just people whom I have conflicts with. People who hate me. Or people who loved but later stopped loving me. Whoever u are, I'd say I forgive u. I'll forget the conflict. I'll put behind the love and love that's gone. I have a short term memory.

My assets? Hm. Car can't be considered.
Definitely dora n family then. Who will I bequeath them to?
Hmm. Now that's a headache.

Sleepy. Good nite world.

Chub is happy today.
She brought ah ma for prawn mee breakfast.
She realises these small lil things count.

Sigu told chub ah ma remembered my promise to bring her today.
So did it.

Chub realises n strives to keep promises. Chub must rem when u treat pp w sincerity, people can feel it. No matter how small the act is. Really.

Today, chub's heart swelled considerably.
Tho she doesn't want it the literal way.

If i inspired it, it's a good deed done.

Now run!

Chub isnt very smart.
Or she's simply stubborn.

Anything takes 2 hands to clap. You know it. Chub knows it.

Dont, Chub. Dont.

It feels good to spend today at home. Though I still didn't reach my goal of waking up for doraemon this morning. It was a personal choice though. I did wake up at 925 but. Seeing that I have 5 more mins I decided to snooze. When I woke again at 945 I kinda decided since I missed half the show might as well try harder tm or next week. Hm. Personal choice, blame noone.

Speaking abt personal choices,I am caught in a dilemme. She says this and he says that. Then they confirmed this n that. Chub knows tho that ultimately, it's her own choice.

Like the mistake she made 8 yrs ago.
Tho she never knew it was one then.

I can just keep asking and talking abt it. But the decision still rests here. On chub's own small fleshy shoulder.

Becoming Uncles and Aunties

It is so surreal poring through the photos of people you don't contact much, on facebook. I start to realise that there is a certain trend to how people slowly turn into uncles and aunties..of cos myself included.

it makes u wonder how suave the uncle with the curly hair in front of you might have been in his younger days; how alluring the auntie with the big mole could have appeared quite some many years back.

Do they look back and reminisce about that chapter of their lives too?

What will I be thinking of on the same day 10 years later?

All Men Are Lousy, All Women Blind.

You.Are.A.Total.Bastard.
N.I.Am.A.Total.Idiot.

YOU have the right to be confused.
YOU have the right to feel tired.
YOU have the right to reconsider.
YOU have the right to like someone else.

but you DO NOT have the right to treat me like an idiot!

For months I cooked up excuses.
For months I covered up for you.
For months I held hope.
For months I waited.

and NO. YOU do not have have any sense of decency to end this off nicely.
NO, you do not even bother to end this!

Why didnt you let me go when I wanna?
I gave you the choice then. I opted out then.
I already said I'll let her win, WHOEVER she was then.

What happened to YOU?

Even if I'm short, with single eyelids, have stubby legs, a chubby face, i DO NOT deserve this.

U FUCKING BASTARD.

n today Chub took MC.

I relish the times at home.
Bobbing around. Doing nothing. Staring at nothing.

Though, Chub did read her Picoult. Her new book from MPH she bought last week.

Even typing this feels so relaxing.

Chub's looking forward to her break. woohoo.

Affirmative.

I hate business travels officially.
I wanna unpack before I finish packing.
I wanna turn back the moment I get on the cab.
I've developed a total dislike for Changi. When i know i'm on biz.

I am sure I wont feel this way for leisure travels tho.

Looking forward to Phuket. Can the one up there be so kind to arrange ET around it please?

Contemplating the Sept Europe trip to meet PLS there?
Or maybe a short trip to HK to catch up w AJO n finally visit Lankwaifong?
Tho i will really wish to return to US, once DD gets settled down in NYC. I think i will wanna visit North Carolina, Chapel Hill. ;)

muacks to myself. :D

it's been a long time!

It's a new year!

Woohoo!

Riz asked if I am trying to beat my own record.
No, I nvr had the intention.
I nvr knew I can be stretched that much at work.

An ex colleague passed away today.
Adds on to my heavy heart.

Coming home to a lights-out house, the pot of soup seems especially appealing. Thanks ma.

Chub woke ma up to ask if the big plate of vege was one of the dinner dishes. Ma jumped out of bed n busied herself fussing over Chub. @ half past midnite. Chub felt touched but guilty too. Tho it's The only Avenue.

Memory work

I used to be able to remember lyrics easily.
Now, I can't even recall songs' titles.

Hello Panda.

Do u remember?

When I was a kid, Ma always said that if someone taunts you, it shows that he still bothers about you. Otherwise he won't even bother interacting with you.

Chub remembers.
Tho, Chub does ponder what kind of person is she really?

Two diepnosophists, one yummy ayam penyet n a trusty Blackberry.

Chub is satisfied!