Hello Panda.

Do u remember?

When I was a kid, Ma always said that if someone taunts you, it shows that he still bothers about you. Otherwise he won't even bother interacting with you.

Chub remembers.
Tho, Chub does ponder what kind of person is she really?

Two diepnosophists, one yummy ayam penyet n a trusty Blackberry.

Chub is satisfied!

Since when..

Is having time for lunch a luxury
Having dinner after 10 a norm
Leaving at 8 a bonus
And rushing for the last train a target?

After all the hustle n bustle of the past few days, Chub's glad to stay in tonight.
Wanna read tt Time magazine. N catch up on the 3 issues of Reader's Digest.

I hate holidays.

There used to be a time when I thought This Is It. I am so gonna get married real soon, have my cute little babies and then watch doraemon together.

I probably did something evil. No, many things evil because each evil thing then accumulate into my current karma. Ignoring the beggars in Jakarta? Being rude to the taxi driver in Vietnam? Switching on the TVs in hotel rooms when i sleep? Wasting water? gawdamnit. Chub must have been evil even without realising it.

I hate festive periods now. ok i dun hate hate it but i hate it. I hate it for the memories i am forced to think of. Of the past 6 years. Wherever you are, I do not hate u. U may or not read this, but I am comfortable enough to say I still love u. Maybe not anymore as what it was like. But i do.

I still do not know why u ran away like that. Are u sick? Please tell us. no korean melodrama. I will cry myself to death in future if u are ever sick and i ever do get to know about it. So if u are, then pls die alone. ok fine, get those good frens whom u are still responding to to be with u. Yes i know who they are.

If u arent, please do not let me run into you. I am a pretty siao kia - pun absolutely intended for pretty - and i may feel the urge to call u every now and then. I might actually do. I did fine so far in restraining. If u really do not respond when I do, then pls rem to hide from me. Forever.

I am mad at the one up there. I know god is fair. U give me my height, so i can have my brains. I aint exactly smart, which explains why i aint THAT short too. It cld be worse.

but what did i do that u need to balance out my fortunes by taking him away? Yeah i had it good at work, but i worked hard. U can see that right. I was never complacent. I appreciate my own good fortunes and even tot I am such a lucky bitch. U read that blog entry too right??

I have a happy family even tho i am still disgruntled every now and then for the average equal lengths of bodies, esp for the 2 who gave me my life. and my average length body. But isnt everyone SUPPOSED to deserve a happy family?

I have wonderful friends. not too many. just those few i can count and name right away. is that a lot? i dont think so!

everyone one says things happen for a reason. I know i know i really know.
AND i f-ing really wanna know what that reason is.

tmd. i hate holidays.

The announcement's out.
It's a different ball game.

Chub has nvr felt this way.
But Chub has always been lucky. The one up there loves her pretty much.

With the new year approaching, the resolutions are manifesting.

To achieving them.
To everyone.:)

The terrible things u do when u are not tt sober.
Ok not exactly terrible but the feeling of silliness when u sudden sober up n realise u've beeen silly. Damn, Chub is one idiot man. Weird thing is she sobers up after an hour of sleep.
Sian. Chub knows all bk well n safe tho. N can only just laugh at herself for being silly. Haha.thanks to all!

Antiques

Chub stared at her prized possessions and realised they are all falling apart.
There isnt a single new piece added too since a few months ago.
Whatever happened to Chub's favourite hobby.

pick it up Chub.

爱上姜汁撞奶

The above is random. Alone at home and made myself this drink PLS bought back from HK.
It's delicious. I love it.

But the house is quiet.
Pa's driving.
Ma n Pumpkin's in Kukup.
PBS' at her DnD.
PLS' at her friend's house.

Chub is alone at home and the house is quiet.

Chub cannot stand the quietness. Chub is constantly looking for something to fill the quietness. Even when alone, Chub talks to herself. Of course not out loud. Chub is not a looney la. Chub just thinks and ask and answer herself.

Thinking whether to take the car and go gallivanting.
But Chub hates to drive.

And there's still Proposal R that Chub needs to clear. And she just cleared Proposal A where she's been at for the past few hours. Working on weekends, so pathetic huh.

Zombieland was depressing. I left the theatre feeling offbeat.

I know there was humour. Lots of it.
I can see the gore. It was everywhere.

But imagine living in a world where u can't move ard freely. Where u have to kill to survive. Where ur loved ones are bitten to death. Worse - when they turn into zombies.

The response towards BM's death was esp sick.

Ok I know this is just a cheap flick meant to entertain.
But I really wasn't entertained.

A US study finds that the cleaner your childhood environment was, the higher the probability of one catching more viruses in adulthood.

Hmm.

-snt that what Ah Ma always stressed when we were young?

They shld have just saved the trouble and ask Ah Ma.

Chub is very tired.

GET WELLLL

I just wish to get well very very fast. I hate coughing non stop. I hate sniffing. My nose was so rubbed and sore it's undergoing exfoliation. Painfulll. I wanna return properly to work. So Chub has been a very good girl staying at home for the past two days. Doc says the chance of me getting new bac from others is higher than me passing them on. I'm sick of sleeping in the living room. I wanna get well laaaaa

小狗爱

嘟女又一番心血来潮，想来个如老太婆的缠脚布一样的长篇大论。
但，惯性庸懒之心，突发性3分钟热度 - 是。障。碍。
加上不停地咳咳咳， 都快咳死了- 非。常。障。碍。

姑且，就让我轻描淡写，蜻蜓点水，轻轻松松地带过。

疑惑。开心。
压抑。兴奋。
不明。不了。总觉莫名其妙。
突然，一言惊醒梦中人。感谢嘟女夫。

现有的，嘟女珍惜，疼惜，怜惜。
就，跟着感觉走。

音。乐。响。起 。

Chub is back to work.
Woohoo.

stopthinkingstopthinkingstopthinking.

Holiday makes u feel like you've never felt before, think like you have not thought before.

And act out of your ordinary self.

This vacation is well-taken. 

And I will not have thought so if i hadnt bit the bullet and clicked on 'buy'. 

Alas, a vacation is a vacation. Chub needs to snap back to reality.

Come back Chub...

U.S.A

It's been more than a week since i'm here. NYC was merry-making. Boston is thought provoking. Helps tt I'm gonna be here for a few more days..

A lot of you may ask many whys. Why I didnt have any itinerary for the trip. Why I didnt even know where I'm gonna stay. Why I missed many a great tourist spots. Why I've chosen to stay in on a wonderful Saturday today.

Before I came, I've already convinced this is a trip about what I want to do. I walk when I wanna. I eat when I wanna. I sit when I wanna. I sleep when I wanna. 

There are too many plans in life that we do. We cant do without plans.

But there needs to be timeouts too. Some take the chocs. I take the real thing.

When you realised that for the most part of your essential years all that you've spent planning for equates to naught; when all that you think you are doing is for the greater good of the other is bullshit; when the person who mattered most didnt feel the same way about you apparently, then you need a break.

I had more hot chocolates this trip than water for the past 3 months. There were many occasions of sitting down in the cafe- Starbucks reign for the moment followed by Dunkin and Au Bon Pain - and reading my Time or Cecilia Ahern or just watching the world go by.

I wonder why the transition comes now. Is it a punishment or a test? 

Same line as whether the glass is half-full or half-empty.

It's almost rhetoric as noone can answer it quite as well as just being politically correct.

I am taking that pretty well now. I can look back. I can tell and retell without the urge to let my tears fall. It's just the closure. Either I'm not willing or I really dunno how.

Perceptions at work has changed too. There's a paradigm shift. I find myself struggling within to find it. what is it, i have no idea. I know i am happy in general. but what is the frigging it. 

Many hours spent pondering. walking, thinking. Sitting, thinking.

Walking around the Harvard campus yesterday did provide some well-intended inspiration. I feel motivated to return to school. but that is something that will not happen at least in '10. 

I digress.

Or did I?

Why?

It was 1-sided. It was forced.
At best, it was a pseudo conclusion.

Puzzle remains unsolved.

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