小狗爱

嘟女又一番心血来潮，想来个如老太婆的缠脚布一样的长篇大论。
但，惯性庸懒之心，突发性3分钟热度 - 是。障。碍。
加上不停地咳咳咳， 都快咳死了- 非。常。障。碍。

姑且，就让我轻描淡写，蜻蜓点水，轻轻松松地带过。

疑惑。开心。
压抑。兴奋。
不明。不了。总觉莫名其妙。
突然，一言惊醒梦中人。感谢嘟女夫。

现有的，嘟女珍惜，疼惜，怜惜。
就，跟着感觉走。

音。乐。响。起 。

Chub is back to work.
Woohoo.

stopthinkingstopthinkingstopthinking.

Holiday makes u feel like you've never felt before, think like you have not thought before.

And act out of your ordinary self.

This vacation is well-taken. 

And I will not have thought so if i hadnt bit the bullet and clicked on 'buy'. 

Alas, a vacation is a vacation. Chub needs to snap back to reality.

Come back Chub...

U.S.A

It's been more than a week since i'm here. NYC was merry-making. Boston is thought provoking. Helps tt I'm gonna be here for a few more days..

A lot of you may ask many whys. Why I didnt have any itinerary for the trip. Why I didnt even know where I'm gonna stay. Why I missed many a great tourist spots. Why I've chosen to stay in on a wonderful Saturday today.

Before I came, I've already convinced this is a trip about what I want to do. I walk when I wanna. I eat when I wanna. I sit when I wanna. I sleep when I wanna. 

There are too many plans in life that we do. We cant do without plans.

But there needs to be timeouts too. Some take the chocs. I take the real thing.

When you realised that for the most part of your essential years all that you've spent planning for equates to naught; when all that you think you are doing is for the greater good of the other is bullshit; when the person who mattered most didnt feel the same way about you apparently, then you need a break.

I had more hot chocolates this trip than water for the past 3 months. There were many occasions of sitting down in the cafe- Starbucks reign for the moment followed by Dunkin and Au Bon Pain - and reading my Time or Cecilia Ahern or just watching the world go by.

I wonder why the transition comes now. Is it a punishment or a test? 

Same line as whether the glass is half-full or half-empty.

It's almost rhetoric as noone can answer it quite as well as just being politically correct.

I am taking that pretty well now. I can look back. I can tell and retell without the urge to let my tears fall. It's just the closure. Either I'm not willing or I really dunno how.

Perceptions at work has changed too. There's a paradigm shift. I find myself struggling within to find it. what is it, i have no idea. I know i am happy in general. but what is the frigging it. 

Many hours spent pondering. walking, thinking. Sitting, thinking.

Walking around the Harvard campus yesterday did provide some well-intended inspiration. I feel motivated to return to school. but that is something that will not happen at least in '10. 

I digress.

Or did I?

Why?

It was 1-sided. It was forced.
At best, it was a pseudo conclusion.

Puzzle remains unsolved.

大家说

你说
他说
老板说
我说。

好。我听。我听。

Life's a Mockery.

When It arranged for me to catch This Is It on Thursday.

一视同仁未必为佳

宁愿自私，偏心。
总好过无声无息。

就这样了吗？

Life's Cruelty

A big fat slap.

Colleagues really cannot be friends.
what doesnt matter doesnt hurt.
Chub needs to practise what she preaches.

Chub needs to wake up a bit more and stop being so emotional.

Investment. Not Expenditure.

5 years.
6 years.

In the Company.
And in The Company.

Not all investments yield a profit.
But all provide an experience.
And a lesson to be learnt.

The Other Side

Felt left behind? How about leaving behind?
Felt wronged? How about being righted your wrong?
Felt depressed? How about letting yourself down?

You must have been pushed to the end too.
You must have gone thru ur struggles too.
You must have also thought of the millions what-ifs, perhaps, maybes too.

You must have felt lonely. You must have felt you were wronged.

Thankful that at sunset, Chub's still able to recognise and empathize.
That Chub is no longer 17.
That Chub is no longer just Chub.

Chub loved, loves and will continue to love.

Waiting

Whether something is worth going or waiting for depends on your own set of values and priorities.

I will go for Waipo's birthday dinner certainly, over going for yoga.
Nothing much to think about here basically.

Even when I know it may be too long a break, I think it's worth it. At least according to my value system now and then. And my feelings.

I'll do it.

A,B, C and D.
when will the real desired E finally come?

Biodata

I carry a new Espirit bag.
I sport a freshly permed hair.
I received my first Tag.
I got a skirt as a birthday present.

It's the absence of mundane information as such that strikes a chord.
Be glad that you still have access to mine..

Light

Vladivostok is serene.

It's 4pm Singapore time, but 7pm here.
The sun is setting.

Hotel Amursky Zaliv is located right beside Amur Bay - the same bay that Hotel Vladivostok was located from my last trip.

It must be a blessing in disguise that standard rooms are full in HV. AZ is even closer to the bay. You can see the water glistening.
And the mini theme park beside it.
With the Yacht dock by the side.

I do not know how to describe it better nor is my camera powerful enough to capture what I am looking at now.

I see an overcast sky full of clouds but with tiny openings where sun rays pore through touching the water surface. The mist in the air made clear lines of diffused light. Like there are flood lights attached in the sky shining down.

Close your eyes and imagine.

How beautiful...

Yes, I washed my face.

Chub was bathing and couldnt remember if she has washed her face. Chub reached out for the cleanser and that action triggered images of recall - of her pale short arms holding the plastic container. Chub has washed her face.

The above may be a negative side effect of Chub's intense effort to condition her brain cells to discard memories that shouldnt be there. To remember only things important to her.

Chub is puzzled though. As washing her face IS important.

Death Note

Bock and I had an impromptu discussion on our eulogies.

He said I must mention he was good in sports. He tried very hard to prove that to me since. So yes I am sorta convinced up til now la. Dunno bout eons later.

I told him to not forget to say that I was resilient.

I am.

The Kiss That Melts Chub's Heart

The Moments.

The ground shook and Silly Chub tot it was renovation.
Until everyone's left their seats with her remaining.
If the building collapsed then, Chub still has many things left to say and do.

*********************************
The last letter typed in and ready, only to get a forced distraction.
but the moment's past.
and the courage's gone.

I am delighted

because a very dear neurotic friend smsed to inform of her boyfriend's proposal with a balloon signboard that floated across her bedroom window.

Love ya. =)